The phrase ‘conspiracy theory’ should be added to the list of logical fallacies. It’s only ever used of things we find difficult to believe or that we don’t want to believe.
Being called a ‘conspiracy theory’ doesn’t make the theory true or false. It really doesn’t matter; it’s just a label used to avoid the topic.
Whether or not a given case or theory is true has nothing to do with whether we label it ‘scientific’ or ‘conspiracy’ or anything else. What matters is whether we can prove or disprove a given case, not what we call it.
Basically, ‘conspiracy theory’ is right up there with ‘extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence’ on the avoidance shelf. If you don’t want to argue it, then don’t but don’t call something a ‘conspiracy theory’ and run away like a jerk. Every case lives or dies on its own merits.
So when I say the Illuminati are stupid, I’m not saying the theory that they exist is stupid. I’m saying if they exist as our shadow overlords, they’re all morons.
I don’t hold to the theory that we have some hidden cabal running the country or the world. Not because the evidence is non-existent. Virtually anyone can think of at least one good reason to consider the possibility. Evidence is rarely lacking; it’s usually stacked to the rafters. No, I dismiss the theory on the basis that if there are shadow overlords, they must be driveling idiots which would make it difficult to rule the asylum, let alone the planet.
First off, if I’m a manipulative overlord running the world from behind closed doors then the LAST thing I’d ever want to do is clue anyone in that I’m there. Being a puppet master is fun and all, but the puppets get all pissy when they discover the strings and they always outnumber you. No, thanks, I want to live my comfortable life ruling the world with as little chance as possible of being discovered by those I’ve manipulated or worse, ruined.
Gotta break a few eggs for an omelet and all that, you know.
Second, if I have achieved my comfy, overly luxurious lifestyle, why the heck do I want the headache of running a country, let alone the world? It’d be easier to manipulate my way into the White House, make my money and retire, preferably as a presidential advisor and not the schmuck in the Oval Office. Sure, sure, absolute power corrupts absolutely but I got what I wanted and got away with it – who needs the hassle after that point?
Dictators don’t try to stay in office forever because they are having fun. They cling to power because the alternative has historically involved ending up in a six foot hole in the ground. There comes a point when ordering everyone around gets old but the retirement plan is a you-know-what. Sure, it can be fun for a decade or two but having sniveling toadies as your only friends is a very lonely way to live, assuming none of them have the guts to stab you in the back literally.
Don’t give me that ‘remake the world’ silliness. Even the most ideological dictator grows old and paranoid. The job is one of never ending office politics on massive doses of steroids and real knives in your back. They might start sane but they don’t stay that way. And they can never, ever quit.
The few modern exceptions are just that: exceptions. Those dictators are usually aided by a much more significantly powerful nation as they fly off into the sunset. Yes, this is often the US as in years past it was believed that it was better for everyone to just get rid of the jerk without scaring all the other jerks by assassinating him.
Which brings up another thing about ruling the world: the learning curve is STEEP!.
Hiding in the shadows doesn’t make this stuff easier. It makes it ten times harder. You always have to act through proxies and those proxies are people idiot enough to be manipulated consistently. Sooner or later the idiot does the wrong thing and the whole plan falls apart. You are still safely hidden but starting from scratch – and this happens a lot.
Power for its own sake just means no weekends for you – ever. Great, I rule the world but I can’t take a two week vacation. I’m sipping my slushies on the Rivera and plotting my next move from 9 to 5. Then some delicious rubber chicken at the finest restaurant in Paris so I’m safely away from wherever my current machination is happening while I network to gain information so I can start again in the morning. Even if I looked good in an evening dress, this is not relaxing, it’s working.
Worse, I don’t even get to order people around. Sure, I rule the world but if I let on that I’m the kind of pushy jerk who would rule the world, I risk my cover. Nope, I’m mild mannered and as uninteresting as I can get.
My fellow cabal members are much the same. We tolerate our families being in the public eye because being hermits will only bring scrutiny but we avoid any public showing at all. We can safely walk unrecognized down any street as long as it isn’t a mean street. We look like exactly the kind of mark a mugger dreams of. Can rule the world, can’t ever say ‘do you know who I am’? Of course they don’t so hand over that wallet.
Well, if you’re enough of a homebody and don’t mind the occasional sleepless month, I suppose it’s doable. Maybe there’s actually some moron out there that is such a control freak that he actually wants to be an Illuminati. The best evidence for that is that the moron keeps giving himself away.
The idea is to NOT be known. To do that you have to be very careful to only manipulate things that are really important to your interests and to stay off other people’s toes. The more you manipulate the more likely you are to be discovered as you leave more traces of your existence. The more you tick people off even incidentally, the more likely someone starts poking around where you don’t want them to.
While that swampland you bought does come in handy for disposing of the dirty part of your job, the whole killing people thing makes it worse, not better. You had one hole in the dam and by plugging that hole with a little bit of dynamite you are now stuck with ten holes. You might get away with the occasional unfortunate disappearance but eventually, you miscalculate and its time for a new identity.
Which complicates the whole ruling the world thing. It just never ends.
You and your cabal buddies all have one fundamental, irreparable flaw: you’re all humans. Humans don’t enjoy perfect knowledge or perfect reasoning. Humans make lots and lots of mistakes. Oh, you guys are special and really, really smart but you’re dependent on people who aren’t. You will make mistakes and your toadies will make them worse.
Which means the puppets start seeing the strings.
You can fake it for a while. Manipulate the press so that the puppets think they are just being paranoid. But that dam is cracking more and more. You stop having time to plot your latest machination; you’re much too busy trying to keep all your puppets dancing so they don’t see the strings.
Congratulations, you not only rule the world, you are the world’s hardest worker. Me? Oh no, I quit ages ago. Modest house, obscene bank accounts hidden carefully, all the slushies a gal could want, and a short throw TV projector – I am fine and dandy and no longer ruling the world. I only keep the one puppet to make sure no one ever even suspects me and that you never come after me, either.
Just one puppet dancing on my string. He’s easy to control. Danged fool thinks he can run the whole world.
Dance, Puppet, dance.
