Oh, come on! You’re not gonna talk about politics at CHRISTMAS?!?!?! Are you trying to ruin it for everyone?
Is a discussion of your grandma’s bunions somehow an improvement? Just how many recipes for lemon bars does your cousin have? I can already tell you which team will win whatever game – it’s the one that gets the most points. You’ve already discussed the entire season with your entire family just making the arrangements for who was bringing what and who’s house this year.
Who are you kidding – the only ‘safe’ subjects aren’t really – let’s face it, those lemon bars are awful and only your Dad and brother give a darn about the stupid game unless you invite Cousin Ted who roots for the wrong team. Last time you had to talk Grandma out of calling the cops.
The biggest problem with this crazy but great country of ours is that two thirds think they aren’t allowed to talk about anything interesting. I don’t just mean politics. Can’t talk about religion despite going to church faithfully every Sunday. Science, philosophy, anything remotely academic – you’re either on the wrong side or you sound patronizing. Music – there is no hope if you like disco but no matter your tastes someone will take objection. Hobbies – you’re either a weirdo or it’s boring.
So we’re left with bunions. lemon bars and a game better watched than discussed.
You all know exactly what I mean. Conversation becomes a straightjacket. But better that than a fight, right?
Do you even know any of the people you’re celebrating with? Seriously, besides bunions, what is Grandma interested in? Does your cousin even like lemon bars or does she just think everyone expects her to make the stupid things? What was the best play Dad saw this season? Odds on favorite, you can’t answer those questions about half the stuff your family normally discusses. Fear has made us distant.
Is a fight so horrible that it’s better to be surrounded by people we will never really get to know?
What’s does your sister really want to do with her degree? How’s your brother getting along after the divorce? What’s your cousin’s favorite movie and why? Why does your Dad love football?
We’re losing the art of conversation. It’s not just the texting and social media – we don’t talk to people about anything of substance. If we can only discuss bunions and lemon bars, we can’t govern this country the way that the Founding Fathers intended.
Yes, back to politics – you do know this is a political blog, right?
I’m not saying small talk is a bad thing – it’s not. Cousin Frank is gonna talk about transmissions for the next two hours if you don’t keep him on last weeks game. Not that transmissions are bad things or that it’s bad he’s so passionate about them, but no one else in the family knows what a gear ratio even is and aren’t clutches something your great grandparents used?
Sure, we have those moments when we don’t want to get too deep or it’s not appropriate to the situation. But we are also supposed to have social skills to know when to use small talk and when to ask Frank to please explain what a gear box is. If we don’t have those skills, now’s as good a time as any to start developing them.
Start small – you’ll freak everyone out if you want to discuss the implications of Scottish independence on US security. At the very least, everyone will have to watch a couple videos to even get on the same page and Mom will kill you if they are trying to do that while she is serving dinner.
Social skills are all about considering other people – not kowtowing to them. Have the sense to not interrupt the game while they are actually watching it but don’t let Aunt Edna tell you that ‘polite people’ don’t discuss such things. Unless you are grossing out everyone at the table, you have as much right to talk about what interests you as she does telling all her knitting stories.
There’s no point in freedom of speech if no one ever gets to speak about anything important to them. Conversation, like any art, takes practice.
But how much better would things be if we understood why Grandma only talks about her bunions rather than just ignoring her pain? Maybe that cousin could make chocolate chip instead of the ‘traditional’ lemon bars everyone hates. Maybe there’s more to that game than everyone ragging on the coach.
Beyond that is a world of things you don’t know about those closest to you because you are afraid to really talk. Maybe you aren’t the only goofball that voted for the guy that lost the last election so badly. Maybe your Dad knows more about the Bible than you ever thought and loves to share it, but has been afraid. Maybe Frank also likes differentials and wishes he could have taught mechanics instead of being an accountant.
It’s not the solution to world peace. Really talking to people is just the first step in making the world a better place. Start with your nutso family. You’ll be amazed what you learn. Before you know it, you’ll be able to argue with Cousin Ted about the city council wanting a new library without Grandma even considering calling the cops. Heck, Ted may even agree that the sixty year old library isn’t good enough anymore.
You never know until you try.
